Finding Fraser - Setting the Onion Precedent

Several years ago, I began a blog, Finding Fraser. A few weeks ago I was overcome with the feeling that I had grown older and wiser, and therefore took it down. Here I am, barely weeks later, reminiscing about onions and other things oddly referred to whilst I desperately sought Fraser. Guess what? Neither my thoughts nor my purpose have changed. I am still me. While I may no longer be searching for my "original self" as I had been, I am still on a quest, looking to create a bit more of myself everyday.

Finding my thoughts and banterings just as twistedly relevant to my life circumstances now as they were then, I will be reposting several of these entries over the next little while.

Here it is, the first of firsts, my original blog post...

Setting the Onion Precedent        -        Monday, July 23, 2007

Don't you hate it? Starting something new on just the right foot. There's so much pressure, so much to think about. Look at me. Look how high I've set the bar for myself. I've yet to even write a complete paragraph, but the title alone indicates that what I write will be deep, meaningful, and, essentially, so profound that I will find the core of my being.
Unbelievable.
And all of that, right here, for you to see. Ha!

It is true, I am lost. But, I'm sure you are too. I am a mother, a step-mother, a sister, a daughter, a friend, a wife, and potentially, some other title I have completely forgotten. But, before all that, I was just Fraser. Hmmmm. I suppose by rights, I was always a daughter and a sister. But then, I consciously decided to become a mother, a step-mother, a friend and a wife. With every title, came additional layers of responsibility. So, maybe I'm not lost, I'm just wrapped up in layers that have gotten so thick, I have no idea where the core of me lies anymore. Oh, there I go again, talking about the core of my being. This could get interesting.

I've recently begun a quest. I'm on the hunt for Fraser, my original self. Now, I obviously can't erase all of my chosen titles, nor am I wanting to, I just need to tidy them up a bit. Thinking of the movie Shrek, I'm thinking of an onion... are you with me? Onions have layers, (and yes apparently Ogres do too, but that's irrelevant at this point in time) and if you peel them all away, you get to the core of it. People, in my opinion, should NOT be like onions. Hey, I warned you this would not be profound stuff here. People should be like trees. They should be grounded on the root of their being, with each additional title being a different branch. The bigger they are, the farther they reach. All the while, the persons true self is still quite visible. It is the foundation on which they stand. Obviously that is not the case with an onion. With every additional layer, the core of the onions being gets hidden a little deeper.

I'm tired of being an onion. Besides, they stink.

"Life isn't about Finding Yourself..."

While spending time at home in Nova Scotia this summer, surrounded by nature at its best, I was presented with the words of George Bernard Shaw, "Life isn't about finding yourself, Life is about creating yourself."  and couldn't help but be compelled to look at myself in a whole new light.  I know who I am, I know what I like, and I know what I am good (and conversely not good) at.  Why keep searching for what I already know?  Instead of puttering around thinking about what I have already done, it was time to shift gears and focus on what there was still to do.  What have I always wanted to do, but have never done?  Is there a life calling I have yet to explore?  Is there an influence I can make on a person, society or culture?

When looking to make a change of any kind, it always helps to have a strong team of influential people around you.  "Influential" can come in many forms. Whether it be your teenage children influencing what you wear by giving you the you-can't-seriously-be-planning-on-wearing-that-outside-the-house look over breakfast, your spouse supporting you through everyday ups and downs, or co-workers pushing you to go for the big promotion; each of them have an effect on YOU in a way completely different than they would on someone else.  Many of my influencers were specific high school teachers.   True to form, being somewhat of a nerd, I held several teachers in very high esteem while other students would rather walk on hot coals than walk back into the classroom for a "chat".  One in particular, Mr. C, was my physical education teacher for the majority of my junior and senior high school years.  He taught me infinitely more than sports skills.  His influence stretched to cover perseverence, patience, faith, and giving. He had high expectations for you and you felt compelled to perform out of fear of letting him down.  You busted your butt for him because he expected you to, and you knew that that was the right thing to do.  While in Nova Scotia this summer, I saw Mr. C for the first time in 16 years.  My nephew wanted to take me to the cool, new, state of the art track and field facility in town.  It was really not surprising to see Mr. C there with a group of teenagers, training diligently on a beautiful Wednesday evening in the middle of the summer.  It was even less surprising to learn that it was Mr. C himself who had spearheaded the entire initiative to raise money for and create such a beautiful facility.  Mr. C is a man who has dedicated his life to serving his community one teenager, and inadvertently one family, at a time.  While he may be a talented athlete, his true gifts and strengths are those he tries to pass on to others; perseverence, patience, faith, and giving.

I walked away from the track that evening with a renewed sense of purpose.  I would not stand around trying to find myself.  I am who I am.  I must instead find a way to continue to better myself and find a way to use my skills to help better any one around me who feels they may need some bettering too.  Career Number 4 shall be influential.

"Life isn't about finding yourself, It's about creating yourself."   George Bernard Shaw