Everyone is Inspired by Something.

Everyone is inspired by something.  A lucky few have figured out what their inspirational triggers are.  An even smaller few have developed ways to harness that inspiration and feed off of it.  My family is competitive.  I grew up competing with everyone in everything.  I ALWAYS had a goal and I usually missed it by “just that much”.  Now, I know that every time I see a child achieve their goals in any type of competition, I will cry tears of joy to celebrate their success.  I was once at the hockey arena watching my childcare providers’ eleven year old son win the league championship.  The parents of the children on the team smiled and applauded.  I cried.  I was at the national science fair awards ceremony for my adopted teenage daughter several months ago, I cried when she won her research scholarship to Israel, of course, but I also cried when other students whom I’d never even met won their dream awards as well.  Yes, I am an equal opportunity crier. 

Just yesterday, my son participated in the regional cross country finals for his school board.  The top 90 students from 95 different elementary schools across the region were competing.  I was so proud for him to come in 26^th.  Just moments before his race, however, came my true moment of inspiration.  Ten minutes after the girls race had apparently ended, the bicyclist that trailed the final runner in the race came into view over the crest in the hill.  Beside him, in an awkward combination of running, walking and hopping, a young girl was bound and determined to ignore her disability and achieve her goal.  The course that had just moments before been crowded with teachers and parents that were eager to wish their boys well was suddenly cleared.  This little girl received the largest and loudest standing ovation.  Everyone present was buoyed by the courage it took to finish the race when everyone else had come and gone so long ago.  Parents, teachers, officials, and other competitors applauded her effort and her spirit.  I cried. 

With Career Number 4, I have a new goal.  It should be fairly obvious.  When everyone else has come and gone, I intend to finish the race.  Missing so many things by “just that much” can do severe damage to your self-confidence.  But it can also serve as inspiration.  I have been given the opportunity to try so many different things in life, and have had the support of so many people, encouraging and allowing me to attempt so many things.    Just as the coaches and organizers of the cross country finals had faith that including this young girl in the regional finals was the right decision to make, so many coaches, teachers, and others have had faith that including me in their teams, groups, organizations, etc. was the right decision as well.  That is something I will always carry with me as personal inspiration.  Being at a crossroads in my career, I am now competing for employment.  Every time I rewrite my cover letter for a particular position, I am competing for an interview.  I was raised to compete.  I am competing again.  This time, instead of watching others succeed and win, shedding tears of joy to celebrate their victory, I would like it to be celebrating my own.  I will finish this race, even if by "just that much".

Day 1 - Searching for a Sense of Purpose

Moments after my kids ran out the front door for school this morning, my phone rang.  The cup of coffee I’d been anxiously waiting to savour once they were gone was suddenly forgotten.  A new sense of anticipation instantly overcame me, the hairs on my arms prickling with fear and excitement while the caller on the other end of the line was left to wait for me to compose myself before picking up the phone.  Could this be the one that I had been waiting for?  I have a purpose, I’m sure I do.  I have tonnes of potential, I’m sure I do.  Is this unknown caller the one who has figured it out?  Is the key holder to my fourth career awaiting me on the other end of the line?  Aware that time waits for no-one, no matter what their state of mind, state of finance, or state of desperation, I made haste to lift the receiver from the cradle.

My children were hoping for me to get a “cool job.”  Imagine the playground bragging rights they would own if they could say mommy works for the professional sports team in town, or at the coolest theme park.  Or maybe I could work in their school.  Thankfully, they are well balanced enough to actually think that would be cool, too. 

My husband would be thrilled for me to get a job again.  Really, any job will do.  He understands the social interaction that accompanies employment and embraces the fact that I thrive on social interaction.  Really, when you look at the situation through his eyes, the more I get the opportunity to interact and socialize with other people, the less need I feel to fill every waking moment of our precious evening hours together with pointless drivel about how I rearranged the Tupperware cupboard that day.

And me?  My state of mind is sharp, my state of finance is stable, and my state of desperation varies depending on how long I’m kept from my morning cup of coffee.  The thought of coffee snaps me back to the reality of the phone approaching my ear as my hand lifts it subconsciously from the receiver.  “Hello?”  On the other end of the line is the sweet voice of my dear friend, “Shall we walk and talk?”  I met Maria a year ago.  Our children attend school together, we’re on the PTA together, and we’re both well-educated moms out to make a difference in the lives of our kids and our community.  “A walk and talk would be fabulous.  Let’s meet in an hour.”   I felt the wave of anticipation leave my body with a sudden rush, leaving an empty sense of discontentment to fill the void.  I was looking forward to a good heart to heart chat with a close friend; it helps soothe the social beast in me.  But it wasn’t the phone call I had hoped for.

Career number four is still eluding me.  Being of sharp mind, I want to use it.  Being of stable finances (thanks to a successful and supportive husband), I want to find the right career.  And being desperate, well, I have coffee for that.