Hypocritical Romance - Thursday, August 16, 2007
All kidding aside, I'm a hypocrit and
just found out.
I was recently polling some friends and family on what they considered to be "grown-up romantic". Let's face it, I'll be 30 next month. The days of puppy eyes, hand written love poems and all other things gushy are behind me. Even when I do find Fraser, it's not going to bring them back.
I needed to bring myself into the reality that, Fraser or no Fraser, I'm a grown up now. No matter how many layers I peel away, scars I shed, or trees I climb, I am a grown up. To accomplish this snap to reality, I did a poll. I got lots of the expected, "Honey, I'll take out the garbage" "Honey, I got KFC for supper so you won't have to cook" "Honey, let's watch a movie after you put the kids to bed," etc. But I also got this: Romance is...
"doing special things for your special someone that you don't really have to do but you do them because you know they'll appreciate & enjoy them. It makes them feel special.:)"
Bingo. Slapped in the face by my own sister.
How many days/months/years have I walked around hoping I would be romanced? Far too many. How many days/months/years have I walked around trying to figure out how to romance my partner? Far too few. My job is to figure out the best way possible to show him (not tell him) that he's special, and appreciated. That doesn't mean I go out and wine, dine and candlelight dinner him. It means I actually take time out of my day to stop and think about what it is that would make him feel like he's the most important person in the world. Then I'm supposed to do it. Have I done that today? Doubtful. Do I know how? Well, I think I know where to start. Am I afraid he won't notice? Terrified. If he doesn't notice, will I try again? Hopefully. If he does notice? Then maybe I'll get romanced too.
Ah, and there lies the crux. Selfish and hypocricital. I think human nature leads us to want to be special and appreciated. But the point of doing these special things for your partner is supposed to be purely to show THEM how much you care, not to want it in return. So, knowing that you want to be romanced in return, do you not romance at all, to avoid the hypocritical crux? Or do you just give in, and light some candles?
I was recently polling some friends and family on what they considered to be "grown-up romantic". Let's face it, I'll be 30 next month. The days of puppy eyes, hand written love poems and all other things gushy are behind me. Even when I do find Fraser, it's not going to bring them back.
I needed to bring myself into the reality that, Fraser or no Fraser, I'm a grown up now. No matter how many layers I peel away, scars I shed, or trees I climb, I am a grown up. To accomplish this snap to reality, I did a poll. I got lots of the expected, "Honey, I'll take out the garbage" "Honey, I got KFC for supper so you won't have to cook" "Honey, let's watch a movie after you put the kids to bed," etc. But I also got this: Romance is...
"doing special things for your special someone that you don't really have to do but you do them because you know they'll appreciate & enjoy them. It makes them feel special.:)"
Bingo. Slapped in the face by my own sister.
How many days/months/years have I walked around hoping I would be romanced? Far too many. How many days/months/years have I walked around trying to figure out how to romance my partner? Far too few. My job is to figure out the best way possible to show him (not tell him) that he's special, and appreciated. That doesn't mean I go out and wine, dine and candlelight dinner him. It means I actually take time out of my day to stop and think about what it is that would make him feel like he's the most important person in the world. Then I'm supposed to do it. Have I done that today? Doubtful. Do I know how? Well, I think I know where to start. Am I afraid he won't notice? Terrified. If he doesn't notice, will I try again? Hopefully. If he does notice? Then maybe I'll get romanced too.
Ah, and there lies the crux. Selfish and hypocricital. I think human nature leads us to want to be special and appreciated. But the point of doing these special things for your partner is supposed to be purely to show THEM how much you care, not to want it in return. So, knowing that you want to be romanced in return, do you not romance at all, to avoid the hypocritical crux? Or do you just give in, and light some candles?
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